13 Songs That Release My Inner Sexpot…

“In music the passions enjoy themselves.”
—Nietzsche 1886

“What passion cannot music raise and quell!”
—John Dryden

1. Mouth
by Merril Bainbridge

“…When I kiss your mouth I want to taste it
Turn you upside down don’t wanna waste it…”

2. Dancing in the Moonlight
by Van Morrison

3. Leave Me Breathless
by The Corrs

4. Can You Take It
by John Mellencamp

5. Fuck You Like An Animal
by Nine Inch Nails

6. Sway
by Michael Buble

7. Addicted
by Enrique Iglesias

8. Tasty Love
by Freddie Jackson

9. Wicked Game
by Chirs Issak

10. Between The Sheets
by The Isley Brothers

11. Shake You Down
by Gregory Abbott

12. Hot Love
by Aldo Nova

13. Love You Til The End
by The Pogues

“…I just want to be there
When we’re caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
I’m lost for words don’t tell me
All I can say
I love you ’till the end…”

---

“Music, once admitted to the soul, becomes a sort of spirit, and never dies.”
~Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

Of course, this song list is subject to change as new music finds my ears…

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link, (via Mr. Linky above), to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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13 Things (or whatever) That Stacy Believes

1. I’ll have another beer.

2. Optimistic affirmations create positive results.

3. Similarly, repetitive affirmations create real results.

Watch what you say to yourselves, folks. Speak of how you want your life to be, rather than complain of how it is. Negative creates negative. Positive creates positive.

Alternatively, you could just have another beer.

4.(I believe) …in Faeries.

5. Ghosts

I read in a book once that ghosts are simply people who do not realize they are dead. This author explained further by stating that these would have (more than likely) been people who had died of a sudden and/or violent death; such as in a car crash. Too, there has always been talk of ‘unfinished business‘ being the cause of a dead persons temporary walk in limbo. Whichever the reason, I do believe this is a real occurrence.

6. Reincarnation.

7. God.

8. Laughter is good medicine.

9. Stupid people were put on Earth as a means to test my patience. Currently, I’m failing miserably.

10. Chocolate is a psychoactive food. …That, and it really, really, really makes me happy!

11. My mother cursed me when she said,
“I hope you have children JUST LIKE YOU!!!”

My retort at the time was, “ME TOO!”

[Ha!]

Are you starting to understand the power of affirmations, yet?

12. Teletubbies are evil.

But Barney is swell, if you like all that singing, purple, happy shit.

Apparently, I do.

[shrug]

13. Life is too short to argue with fire-breathing dragons.

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Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link, (via Mr. Linky above), to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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“Memes don’t exist. Tell this to everybody you know.”
–anonymous

13 of My All-Time Favorite Fairytales

1. Le Petit Poucet, (otherwise known as Little Poucet), by Charles Perrault.

This is my absolute favorite fairytale of all-time! In fact, it may very well be my favorite story of all-time.

The Little Poucet is the youngest of seven children in a poor woodcutter’s family. His greater wisdom compensates for his smallness of size. After the children are abandoned by their parents, he finds a variety of means to save his life and the lives of his brothers. After being threatened and pursued by an ogre, Poucet steals the magic boots of seven leagues from the sleeping giant.

The image below is of the ogre and his daughters. If you haven’t read the story, well… I’m not going to spoil this scene for you. You’ll have to click on the link (above) and check it out for yourself.

Truly horrific pic, eh? [wicked grin] Charles Perrault writes the best fairytales, in my opinion.

An interesting fact is the clear distinction between Le petit Poucet and Tom Thumb. Le petit Poucet was translated from Perrault’s text into English by Robert Samber appearing as Little Poucet in 1729. The tale became known as Little Thumb in 1764. It was not until the 19th century that it was known as Hop o’ My Thumb, a title provided by William Godwin. There is no evidence in *CFT to show that Le Petit Poucet ever acquired the title of Tom Thumb. In fact, *Opie states that Little Poucet’s story “is not really analogous to that of the British Tom Thumb.

–quoted in part from, Wiltshire

(*Iona and Peter Opie, The *Classic Fairy Tales, 1974)

2. The Swineherd, by Hans Christian Andersen

This fairytale inspired a bit of poetry out of me. Mind you (if you should take the time to click on the link), it’s not one of my better works and is in serious need of editing.

3. The Tinderbox, by Hans Christian Andersen

4. The Faeries, by Charles Perrault

Moral of the story:

Though–when otherwise inclined–
It’s a trouble to be kind,
Often it will bring you good
When you’d scarce believe it could.

5. Bluebeard, by Charles Perrault

Moral of the story: Curiosity kills.

6. Rumplestiltskin, by the brothers Grimm

7. Puss In Boots, by Charles Perrault

Moral of the story:
It’s a pleasant thing, I’m told,
To be left a pile of gold.
But there’s something better still,
Never yet bequeathed by will.
Leave a lad a stock of sense,
Though with neither pounds nor pence,
And he’ll finish, as a rule,
Richer than the gilded fool.

8. The Snow Queen, by Hans Christian Andersen

9. The Emperor’s New Suit, by Hans Christian Andersen

10. Snow-White and Rose-Red, by the brothers Grimm

11. Ricky of the Tuft, by Charles Perrault

Moral of the story:

Nature oft, with open arms,
Lavishes a thousand charms;
But it is not these that bring
True love’s truest offering. ‘Tis some quality that lies
All unseen to other eyes…
Something in the heart or mind

12. The Nightingale, by Hans Christian Andersen

13. Cinderella, by Charles Perrault

Moral of the story:

Beauty is a treasure rare.
Who complains of being fair?
Yet there’s still a something more
That good fairies have in store.
‘Tis that little gift called grace,
Weaves a spell round form and face,
Of each word makes magic, too,
Lends a charm to all you do.

This it was and nothing less
Cinderella’s fairy dress!
And if you would learn the way
How to get that gift today
How to point the golden dart
That shall pierce the Prince’s heart
Ladies, you have but to be
Just as kind and sweet as she!

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Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link, (via Mr. Linky above), to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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It’s a double-hitter folks! A 2-for-1 sale! A smorgasbord of fun and interesting facts about Stacy. Aren’t you thrilled? (The correct answer to that question would be a resounding, *Yes!*)

This T13 is aptly titled:

13 Things That I Like About Myself AND 13 Things That I Don’t Like About Myself
Otherwise titled: Observational Narcissism vs. Self-Loathing

Heh.

LIKES:

1 I am intelligent.

2 I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. (Otherwise described as an overactive curiosity, but not within my earshot if people know what’s good for them.) If I don’t know the answer to something, I find it. If I don’t know how to do something, I figure it out. If I am unable to figure it out, I’ll find someone that can, and thus learn through them.

3 I like my hair, a lot. It’s a lovely, natural shade of red/auburn and is quite luxurious with natural waves and curls.

4 I truly enjoy my sense of humor, even though it’s a bit warped, and often times I’m the only one that gets it. I find many things in life funny. It’s the best way to deal, don’t you think? Yup, I laugh a lot. I’m easily amused.

5 I don’t like to admit this openly, as sometimes I’m not sure whether to classify it as a blessing or a curse. However, this ability has always been to the benefit of good so I’ll jump the fence today and classify it as a like.

I am a natural born Empath. Sometimes it’s rather disconcerting, (to the point of causing me physical ills) and during these times, I wish I could turn it off. I’ve read that Empaths make up 15% to 20% of the human population. Sure, most everyone has a certain level of empathy for others, but it is nowhere near what an Empath feels. I haven’t shared this with anyone before, not even my closest friends. This is because it is nearly impossible to explain the depths of this ability to anyone, other than another ‘natural born’ Empath.

Moving right along…

6 I have a charming and exceptionally affable personality. I like people and they like me, which is to say that I make friends easily. Isn’t that just so cool? (See #6 in ‘dislikes’ below.)

7. I am extremely confident/self-assured, to the point of appearing arrogant. Truthfully, some things in life scare the bejeebers out of me, but you can bet that I won’t let it show. I am David to any Goliath. I just choose to see the optimistic side of the picture. I hold a strong faith in my abilities, as well as belief in favorable outcomes. I also know that if one shows their fear, they’re very nearly already beaten. Ya gotta stand strong, people. Never let ‘em see ya sweat.

8 Which goes hand-in-hand with the fact that I have a healthy dose of inner-strength.

9 I’m creative and imaginative.

10 I’m silly, cute, and adorable. (Yeah, I know, that’s three. But they seemed to go together, really.)

11 I’m exceptionally patient. (See #11 in Dislikes below)

12 I am not easily angered. (See# 2 in Dislikes below) I find it difficult to hold a grudge and easy to forgive. Besides, it really takes a lot to get me riled in the first place.

13 On the rare occasion that it happens, I am willing to admit my mistakes.

DISLIKES:

1 I don’t like to ask for help. …with anything. I will do so when absolutely necessary, but I’d really rather not. I’ll blame this one on my mother, just ‘cuz I feel like being cheeky.

2 I am prone to sudden outbursts of temper. However, for the most part, they are short lived and easily soothed. I think? I suppose you’d have to ask my hubby if that’s true, or not. It’s just that I have this horrible habit of letting everything stew until it boils over, rather than dealing with each case of ire as it happens along.

3 I expect too much from my loved ones.

4 I’m cautious and guarded and oft times suspicious of other people’s intentions.

5 When someone tries to pass fiction off as fact, I find it extremely difficult to let it pass without proving them wrong. Unless, of course, it is done in fun and most all present realize this.

6 Often times I appear conceited and aloof, but it’s really just because I’m quietly observing my surroundings. I have to feel comfortable before I say hello.

7 I’m a horrible procrastinator. I mean HORRIBLE! I really should be admonished.

8 I choke on the words, ‘I’m sorry‘ and ‘I was wrong‘. I use them rather sparingly.
(I can’t believe I just admitted that!)

9 Sometimes, I have a rather caustic tongue.

10 I’m afraid of… well, I’m not going to tell you. But, just know that I am definitely afraid of something in particular. I have been since childhood.

11 I’m extremely impatient.

12 I have an overabundance of pride. However, I think pride is a good thing. It’s just that I’m on number 12 and I can’t think of anything else to put under dislikes. I really like myself. A lot. I’m pretty darn fantastic! Why, there’s hardly anything about myself that needs to be changed, or fixed, or bettered. So what the heck am I going to put under number 13?

13 I write sappy poetry. Ha! That was lame. Um, lemme try again… Oh, I’ve got the perfect end for this post. I dislike the hormonal zits that plague my chin once a month. Augh! How revolting is that? I’m not some hormonal teenager! What’s the deal? It must be a sick, cruel joke.

Okay. Well. That was a lovely end to this here T13 x 2. Now you all have a vision of me as some zit-faced redheaded freak. Maybe I should’ve started with the dislikes and then ended with the likes.

Oh, please tell me you all still love me and find me irresistibly adorable!

[heh]

Yeah. Like I need your assurance. I’m really just fishing for compliments.

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Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link, (via Mr. Linky above), to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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13 Random Ramblings

1. I received a letter from the “Omega British Lottery” which stated that I have won $105,000.00. Inside the envelope was a check for $900.00 drawn on the Wells Fargo Bank in San Francisco, California. All I have to do to collect my big winnings is cash this $900 check, and then send the money to them to process my lottery winnings.

It must be legitimate because a “Certificate Of Award”, complete with reference and batch numbers, a golden seal, and a signature from the “Chairman Board of Directors” was included with the award notification letter.

PUH-LEASE!

Why do people fall for this bullshit? Seriously. Clue numero uno: Did you purchase the flippin’ lottery ticket in the first place? No, of course not. Duh-oh! At the very least, catch that clue and run with it, please!

I knew immediately that it was a scam, but I Googled it anyway, just to find out the particulars. I figured it was a ploy to attain checking account numbers in order to pilfer funds from unsuspecting and gullible citizens. Would you believe there are people out there who actually cashed the original “processing” check? Is it any wonder that the check bounced? Did they not consider that in cashing said check, they were forwarding a copy of their account number to these scam artists? Even further, was it truly a surprise when their account was later pilfered of funds?

2. I’m writing this T13 on Wednesday afternoon. It’s supposed to be 102 degrees outside today, with high humidity. Ugh. The weather man said: “It’s a scorcher!” I wanted to slap him silly and make him cry for his mama, but then I got to thinking that it really wasn’t his fault. So I let him live.

3. Honestly, I only let him live because he followed up with informing me that a cool front was coming in tonight. Apparently the high will only be 87 on this lovely Thursday. Now that’s a relief.

4. Marti made the comment on my WW that said: “I’ll take the cold weather over the heat! I can put on enough clothes to get comfortable, but when it’s hot, I can get naked and I’m still too hot!”

I completely agree with her. Give me the snow and ice over the blistering heat any day of the year. I do not do well with the heat. Besides, it’s not like I can’t get naked in the Winter, ya know. I have my hubby to take off the chill with his body warmth. So BAH! on these sweltering, scorching Summer days. I want Winter, damn it! I’ll shovel snow and pick ice off my windshield… And I’ll do it with glee! Mark my enthusiastic words.

5. My 11 yr. old daughter wants to go to the fair tonight with her 10 yr. old friend.
Me: “Is her mother going with the two of you?”
Miranda: “She’s taking us there.”
Me: “Is she staying with you?”
Miranda: “No, I don’t think so.”
Me: “Will there be any adult supervision at all?”
Miranda: “Jennifer is coming.”
Me: “How old is Jennifer?”
Miranda: “Fourteen.”
Me: [silently] Gaaaah!

Am I over-protective? Eh, don’t answer that, I already know the answer. Later on I found out that there will be a few more of her friends tagging along. Safety in numbers, right? Yeah, I don’t know whether to fear stranger-danger in this case, or be totally freaked out about the teeny-boppers tagging along. [sigh] This parenting stuff is so stressful.

I am allowing her to go, but I informed her that there will be no ‘kissy-face’, no ‘touchy-feely’, and absolutely, positively, no going off anywhere with strangers; which includes any cute teenage boys they should encounter at the fair. Also, I agreed, with the stipulation that her friend would be carrying her cell phone and would be sure to answer should I call.

6. Who am I kidding? Whaddaya wanna bet that I end up going to the fair, too.

7. My husband was sent out-of-town for a temp job. He’s been gone for about seven days now. Friday was supposed to be his last day, before coming home. But then he was asked to stay on another week, possibly two. Apparently the guy that he is filling in for was admitted to the hospital with Pancreatitis. Yikes.

8. Thank goodness my MIL is taking care of our three younger ones while my husband is gone. (It’s a his, theirs, mine, ours, kind of deal… if you know what I mean.) I’d be completely bonkers… and drunk, if I had to take care of all five kids in his absence. I’m really not kidding about the drinking comment. I would have polished off that fifth of rum and at least 12 bottles of Heineken by now, to be sure.

9. I’ve found myself wondering lately if anyone would miss me should I quit blogging? I mean really. Am I enriching anyone’s life? Is this blog serving any purpose, other than as an outlet of my creativity. Does anyone care?

It’s just that sometimes I don’t feel like posting. I’d rather curl up on the couch with a good book. And then another, and another, and another. I like to read and blogging takes some of that time away from me. Too, I’ve noticed that blogging tends to add on the pounds. I don’t much care for that side effect.

10. Sooooo, I’ve been exercising every day now. I have one of those nifty doodle Gazelle Elite’s and I’ve been going 1 to 3 miles a day on it. I’d like to increase up to at least 9 miles a day.

(No, that’s not me.)

Sometimes I throw in a set of stretches, but I’m thinking I’ll pop in the Pilates video now. I like feeling healthy, even if I have to suffer to get there first. Truly, the pushing myself to excel is a good feeling, a sense of accomplishment. I like that, too.

11. I once ate a bug. It was most unpleasant, but at least I didn’t have to chew. [heh] I was 10 or 11 yrs. old at the time. My older brother and I were riding in the back of our family pick-up. We were standing up, face forward, looking out over the top of the cab. My brother said something really funny, to which I’ve completely forgotten, but I do remember that it made me laugh. When I opened my mouth, (in laughter), a big, ol’ bug slammed into my tonsils and skidded down my throat.

It was now my brother’s turn to laugh… hysterically.

12. I don’t like cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, or liver. But I’ve eaten squid (calamari) and enjoyed it. I refuse to even try tasting frog’s legs. Not so much because eating a green, slimy frog sounds utterly revolting, but because I wouldn’t want to take the chance of eating a prince. Can you imagine the horror in knowing that I’ve devoured someone’s fairytale ending? [shudder] Perish the thought!

13. Would you look at that. I’m on #13 already and I haven’t another thing to share. Hmmm… I think I’ll visit all of you other lovely T13′ers, and then I’ll go read my book.

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Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link, (via Mr. Linky above), to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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13 Replies for “Mom, I’m Bored!”

First off, I suppose I should state something for those of you inclined to gasp upon reading this here T13. I love my kids… broiled, baked and occasionally fried. Equally, they love me for preparing them with special seasonings. No, really, they do. Well, with the exception of one of our youngest. He, on the other hand, finds more appreciation for my acerbic wit. It offers him fresh comedic material with which to further torture his teachers. See there, I’m an awesome mom!

Now that we got that squared away, let’s get to this Thursday Thirteen thing.

“Mom, I’m Bored…”

1. “I’m sorry, but I believe you’ve mistaken me for an entertainment director, which I’m not. So shoo!”

2. “Go ride your bike. You know what that is, right? It’s that metal contraption with two wheels and a set of pedals that you push round-and-round to make it go. Yes, I know, it’s all rusted out. It wouldn’t be if you actually rode on it once in a blue moon.”

3. “How bored are you, really? Because I have a whole bunch of chores just calling out your name…”

4. “No kidding. Here, take this broom.”

5. “Hmmm, sucks to be you, eh?”

6. “You know, when I was a kid I actually got off my tiny tooshie and found something fun to do. Why don’t you give it a try? It’s really not all that difficult.”

7. “Oh! Would you look at that? We actually have a swing-set in our yard, complete with three swings, a slide, a really cool rope ladder that leads up to a clubhouse, and ooooh… Monkey bars for my little baboons! Do you think maybe you ought to play on it?”

8. “Go play tag, or hide-n-seek, or red-light/green-light, or dodge ball, or anything that will take your whiney-hiney outdoors. It’s called initiative, I-N-I-T-I-A-T-I-V-E… Now look it up and then put it to use.”

9. “Is your room clean?”

10. “Read a book.”

11. “Go bother the neighbors.”

12. “So, does this mean I get all of your toys? ‘Cuz I could make a mint off of your PS1, PS2, and Gamecube on eBay.”

(And now, for my favorite response…)

13. “Go away kid, ya bother me.”

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Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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13 Random Something or Others

Today’s T13 was inspired by The Brunching Shuttlecocks and their Alanis Morissette Random Lyric Generator.

Why? Well let me tell you…

I had planned on writing a T13 that sums me up in 13 simple points. But the first thought that popped into my warped little brain was the lyrics to Alanis Morissette’s “Bitch”.

Going with the flow, I decided to Google the lyrics for a bit of inspiration. But the first link that popped up belonged to ‘The Brunching Shuttlecocks’. From there I got a bit sidetracked as the page was full of ‘random generators’. So now, this T13 has become ‘randomly generated by moi and my Shuttlecock friends’.

It’s my blog so I can do that.

1. Alanis Morissette Random Lyric Generator

Generated on my click:
(Notice how the careful placement of the $ symbol transforms the lyrics into a PG rating.)

“I Think”
by Stacy and the random thingymajig generator

I Think Neighbors are really a huge problem
I Think A$$hats are too much on my mind
I Think Dipsticks have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
But what can you do?

Like a Purple rain, beating down on me
Like a Yeats line, which won’t let go of my brain
Like Fat Joe’s a$$, it is in my head
Blame it on Stupidity
Blame it on Stupidity
Blame it on Stupidity

I Think Feebleminded Dimwits are gonna drive us all crazy
And Boneheads make me feel like a child
I Think Obtuse Morons will eventually be the downfall of civilization
But what can you do? I said what can you do?

Like a Purple rain, beating down on me
Like a Yeats line, which won’t let go of my brain
Like Fat Joe’s a$$, it is in my head
Blame it on Stupidity
Blame it on Stupidity
Blame it on Stupidity

Like a Purple rain, beating down on me
Like Fat Joe’s smile, cruel and cold
Like Yeats’s a$$, it is in my head
Blame it on Stupidity
Blame it on Stupidity
Blame it on Stupidity

(Bored yet? Just wait, it gets better…)

2. The Apathetic Online Journal Entry Generator
by Lore Fitzgerald Sjberg

Generated on my click:

I haven’t been up to anything. I’ve just been letting everything happen without me lately, but it’s not important. Today was a complete loss, but shrug. Maybe tomorrow. Oh well. I’ve just been sitting around waiting for something to happen.

Current Mood: uncaring

(Did I say something about it getting better? I fibbed. No, really… don’t keep reading this drivel.)

3. The Star Wars Title Generator
by Lore Sjberg

Generated on my click:

Star Wars Episode III:
Night of the Lost Wookiee

(Okay, truth be told… That’s what came up on the 8th click. All the clicks before that were rather lame. So is this one, really, but I didn’t feel like clicking again. See, I warned you not to continue on…)

4. The Mr. T Name Generator
by Steve Berlin

Generated on my click:

Fool

(Steve Berlin is in serious need of finding a life. That generator sucked big banana toes.)

5. Monster Pitch
(A random, horror-movie plot generator.)
by David Neilsen

Generated on my click:

The most intelligent form of life on Earth becomes the most deadly in the horror classic “Picky Pirates Pluck A Plethora Of Pseudo Porpoises!”

Oceanographer Corey Splendikoff (Johnny Depp) was the first to notice the strange behavior in his subjects. Schools of fish behaving in ways unfathomable, and thinning out dramatically. But the cause is a mystery, until a wide-eyed Eskimo (Orlando Bloom) stumbles into town with tales of blood-sucking dolphins on the loose!

Corey sets off to explore this strange phenomenon, with the help of the busty research assistant Tiffany Black (Angelina Jolie). Soon the Eskimo is proven correct, as Corey and Tiffany come face to face with killer vampire dolphins! Worse yet, our heroes soon discover the horrible truth, these dolphins have a grudge against humanity and are planning on complete genocide! Now Corey and Tiffany are all that stand between killer vampire dolphins and the fate of humanity!

[heh]

(That was mildly entertaining. I think the title of the movie makes this one, don’t you? Thank you, thank you very much.)

6. The Campaign Scandal Generator
by Lore Sjberg

Generated on my click:

BUSH ADMITS TO FREEBASING UNCUT MAC-AND-CHEESE POWDER WHILE IN COLLEGE!!!!!

[chuckle]

(That one took about 12 clicks to find the funny.)

7. The Cyborg Name Decoder

Generated on my click:

(Um, okay. I got a nifty robot image with that one. Let’s do Bob’s now…)

(Oooh! I like that! Keep reading then, if you must…)

8. Acronym Interaction, Expansion and Extrapolation Engine
by Lore Sjberg
(Handy, technical-sounding, completely made-up phrase that borders on the plausible.)

Generated on my click:

Multi-Omni-Interpreter Systems Technology

(The explanation and “submit” button of this generator was funnier than the actual acronym generated.)

9. The Random Bar Joke Generator
by Lore Sjberg

Generated on my click:

“An Error 404″ that said:

The file you requested does not exist. We apologize for any trouble, inconvenience, heartbreak, migraines, difficulty in sleeping, vague unfocused angst, roiling hostility, unexpected drops in barometric pressure, surliness in yourself or your co-workers, mouth sores, sexual dysfunction, unwanted celebrity, or distant howling on the very edge of your range of hearing that this may have caused.

While that was pretty darn funny. I still didn’t have a random bar joke generator. So I Googled for another “Bar Joke Generator” and it came up with this:

What’s got four legs and one arm?

A pitbull

(I suppose that was funny? Let’s try it again…)

Lawyer’s creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

([heh] That was a bit more humorous, but I’m still liking the Error 404 message better.)

10. The Goth Quote Generator
(Enhanced Addition)
by Lore Sjberg

I copied and pasted html, which produced this:
(I believe the verse changes upon each page refresh?)

(Next!)

11. The Extreme Sports Generator
by Lore Sjberg

Generated on my click:

Another blasted Error 404, and this one wasn’t even funny.

Bah.

So I asked Bob to generate one for me:

“Extreme Vacuuming” was his first thought, followed shortly by “Extreme Chess”.

I think he was half asleep when I asked him.

But then he piped up with “Deepsea Motorcross” and “Hand Grenade Tennis”, thus redeeming his funny bone.

(What? Are you still here? You must really love me.)

12. The Associate Degrees of Kevin Bacon
by (you guessed it…) Lore Sjberg

Generated on my click:

Stacy was pelted with raw fruit and dead rodents at a protest lead by
Bernice Wiley, who finished “Riven” but needed a hint from Lisa O’Reilly who taught “Da Bump” to Enrique Morrisette, who spent a lazy weekend inner-tubing down the Rio Picante with Kevin Bacon

(Okay, that was sort of fun. But then, it’s 2:00 in the morning so it’s really not going to take much to amuse me right now.)

13. The Automated Philosopher
by Lore Sjberg

Generated on my click:

(Aaauuuggghhh! Another blasted “404″ Fix your website people!!!)

[deep breath]

So, of course, I searched Google for an alternate “philosophy generator“, and this one was, like, for real, ya know…

“We are born into the middle of a labyrinth where a thousand turns are laid out for the sole purpose of leading us astray.”

[heh]

(I think I stumbled into that labyrinth. Catch ya on the Exit side…)

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Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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13 Reasons Why I Believe I’ve Been Channeling A Parrot
(Otherwise titled: Why am I repeating myself… constantly?)

[...she wondered with a heavy sigh, before slamming her head into a brick wall just to make sure it was there... The wall, that is.]

1. “No, Jon, there aren’t any molesters outside right now.”
“No, Jon, no molesters are going to get you on your walk.”
“Okay, Jon, it’s a very small little block that you, and your sisters, are going to walk around to gather rocks. We have lots of very nice neighbors who will watch out for you. I will give your sister the phone, and you can call me for any reason, should you feel the need to, which you probably won’t ‘cuz there is no reason to be afraid. Now, if you wan’t to paint rocks later, you’re going to have to actually go outside and collect some.”

Side note: Okay, I’m a wee bit peeved here. I would like to know who the heck scared the bejeebers out of this child? It wasn’t me. He’s only eight years old. I would never have even used the term, “molester“, it conjures up too many nasties. (Yes, I know that’s not a real word, just roll with it.) Besides, then I would have to explain what a molester is, and what they do that causes them to be named as such. As far as I’m concerned, “bad person” and “bad things” is explanation enough for an eight year old. Even one as keenly intelligent as my step-son is.

Now don’t get me wrong. I believe that we need to empower our children with a certain amount of knowledge about the evils of this world; and to make them aware that evil comes in many shapes and sizes and finery and filth. Too, we should teach them basic forms of self defense and strategy. But for gosh sakes, one should not divulge so much ugliness that your child is terrified to venture outside at all. That, dear people, is most foul.

Thus is my opinion, and unless you can convince me otherwise; I’m sticking to it.

Carry on…

2. “Towels are for clean hands, not dirty floors.”
“Towels are for clean hands, not dirty hands.”
“Towels are for clean hands, not dirty tables.”
“Towels are for…
Clean hands, clean hands, clean hands! Augh! Doesn’t anybody understand this concept?”

(Isn’t this T13 fun?)

3. “Gloria, stop whining. It’s a game, have fun.”
“Gloria, I’m going to have to beat you if you don’t stop whining.”
“Gloria, really; it’s a blasted video game and whining isn’t allowed.”
“Gloria, tell ya what… Let’s play hide-n-seek, you go hide and I’ll count.”

[heh]

4. “If it doesn’t belong to you, keep your mugs off.”
“Why are you touching that? It doesn’t belong to you.”
“It’s mine, which means that it is not yours. Paws off.”

5. “Okay, who did this?”

6. “Where’s my step-stool?”
“Put the step-stool back away, please.”
“Why is my step-stool over there?”

7. “Wash your hands with soap and water.”

“Okay, this concept of washing hands actually involves a bit of soap and rubbing.”

“I see that you’ve used the soap this time. Wonderful. Now, let’s try it again, but this time you need to rub the soap all over your hands before you rinse it off.”

8. “Could you possibly be any more blonde?”

9. “You see that lovely brown stain? This is what happens when you forget to wipe?”

10. “Okay, I’m going to make a phone call now. This means that you must all be quiet and you must not interrupt my conversation. You must wait until I am finished talking and have hung up the phone before you talk to me. If the house is on fire, get out. If you’re bleeding to death, get a band aid, you have my permission. Okay? Got it? Great.”

“Do you see this thing attached to my ear that I’m talking into? It’s called a phone, and you, dear child, are not supposed to be talking to me while I’m talking on it. Now scram.”

11. “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that you already know the answer. Skit, scat, scoodle-doot, flip-flop, flee; I am not going to meet you at the top of the coconut tree. Now scram. No, I’m serious… SHOO!”

12. “Do you think, there’s any possibility, whatsoever, that you could give me just five little minutes of peace and quiet? Please, for the love of Pete, no more questions. I don’t care how smart Daddy told you that I am, I cannot possibly handle being asked another question. If you persist, I shall hang you by your toes and tickle you until you puke. Now go. Scram. Be gone with the lot of you before I chop you up and throw you in the stew.”

“Is there some reason WHY you couldn’t have asked Daddy that question? He was right there. Me, you had to hunt down and I happened to be on the phone. Do you see my point?”

13. Stacy: “Everyone get dressed now and go outside to play.”
Jon: “Do I have to?”
Stacy: “Yes.”
Jon: “For how long?”
Stacy: “Until I say so.”
Jon: “How long will that be?”
Stacy: “Look, Jon, it’s called sunshine and it just so happens to be good for you. Now go.”
Jon: “Can I come in for lunch?”
Stacy: “No, Jon. I’m going to lock the door as soon as you leave, and you can’t come back in until dark. No lunch, no dinner, no nothing because I want to make you suffer horribly. How’s that?”
Jon: “But there’s nothing to do out there.”
Stacy: [sigh] “We have a swing-set, play on that. Or ride your bike.”
Jon: “My tires are flat.”
Stacy: “Then bring some cars outside and draw roads on the patio with chalk. It’s called fun, Jon, and sometimes ya just have to make it all by yourself.”
Jon: “I don’t like cars anymore. Cars are boring.”
Stacy: “Fine, Jon, go outside and pout, if you must. Don’t have any fun. But, you will go outside.”
Jon: “When can I come in?”
Stacy: “Just go, Jon, I’ll let you know when it’s time to come in. Now scram, before I start to gnash my teeth and growl furiously.”

Yeesh. You’d think the kid was a vampire, or something. He never wants to go outside and play. Then again, maybe it’s really because of #1 above? Ah well, tomorrow we’ll paint some rocks. You can’t get much more exciting than that!

---

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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13 Things About My Week (for lack of a better title)

1. I spent this last Monday in the ER in horrible, horrible pain. A kidney stone had traveled out of my right kidney, but I haven’t completely passed it yet. I have two more in my left kidney. Yippie!

2. Someone wants to buy my domain name. Hmmm, I wonder how much he’s willing to pay?

3. Mrs. Aginoth liked my Trivia Challenge so much, that she started up a Trivia game on her blog too. I played her game and I scored a perfect “10″. Well, it would have been closer to perfect if my time had been faster. Just the same, I got all the Q’s right. That was awesome.

4. My son is watching “When A Stranger Calls” on DVD right now. Betcha he sleeps on the couch tonight… with the lights on.

5. We rented four DVD’s from Movie Gallery tonight. The other three are, “Running Scared” with Paul Walker, “Firewall” with Harrison Ford, and “The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada” with Tommy Lee Jones.

6. I don’t care for scary movies. I’d much rather be watching Paul Walker in “Running Scared”. I suppose he’s a bit too young for me, but eye candy is acceptable… right?

7. Reel.com review says, “And the envelope for the worst movie title of the year goes to, “The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada…” So, yeah. I think I’ll stick with Paul Walker. Sorry, Tommy. Next up will be Harrison Ford’s movie. He’s always good entertainment.

8. My daughter asked me to put red highlights in her hair today. When we went shopping for the color, she picked a bright red.

Miranda: [picked up a hair color box] “I like this one, Mommy.”
Stacy: [frowned] “Um, no. We’re not doing clown hair. Let’s look for something that blends in; looks natural.” [picked up a nice, natural looking color off the shelf] “Here, how about this one?”
Miranda: [shook her head] “I want the bright red one. I like clown hair.” [grinned]
Stacy: [grinned back] “Yeah. Okay then.” [picked up a different box] “How about this one? It’s in between the two. It’s not quite clownish, but sort of Cyndi Lauper-ish. That’ll work, right?”
Miranda: “Huh? Who’s Cindy?” [grabbed the box in my hand] “Oh, alright. Let’s just get this one.”

9. I put the highlights in her hair when we got home. Wanna know something funny? It turned out absolutely fantastic! Her natural hair color is dark brown with natural red highlights. The “store purchased” highlights didn’t turn out anything like the red color on the box. They are a lovely shade of light brownish-red… And it looks natural. [grin] I’m a happy mama. Miranda is happy too, but she was a wee bit disappointed at first. Ah well, maybe next time I’ll let her have clown hair.

10. I always complain about my hubby not putting my tools back into my tool box. He always denies this (of course), because he’s a man. Men always put their tools away. Right?

[eye roll]

This evening I looked up and noticed some papers on top of my printer. I picked them up and looked at my hubby to say, “What’s this?” And he said, “Well, you’re always complaining about people not putting your tools away.” I looked down at the paper and what did it say?

“Tool Requisition”

I said, “Yeah, like you’d ever fill one of these out.”

I forgot what his comeback was. Ah well, at least it was sort of funny.

11. I mowed the lawn today. Yeesh. What a job! It almost makes me wish my yard wasn’t so darn big. Bob did the weed eating. I guess he was hungry.

12. My father-in-law was here for a spell. He mowed the lawn last time, and apparently, he refilled the oil in my mower. Thanks, Garry! Much appreciated. To be honest, I was going to check it this time around. I figured it was getting pretty darn low. Thing is, this is my second new mower. The first one burned oil and it was brand new… brand, spanking new. I refilled it, started it up, and then it went ka-blam-a-bum-bur-bum. Or something to that effect. And then it filled the entire neighborhood with thick clouds of grey smoke. What fun! Shortly thereafter it died for good. I took it back to Wallyworld for an exchange, and ever since, I’ve been afraid to put more oil in.

What are you doing next year about this time, Garry?

13. My mom is going to take my kids (Christian & Miranda) back to Mississippi with her this Saturday. Woo Hoo! Bob and I will have the house all to ourselves for awhile. At least until his three munchkins come back in a week (from their mother’s house).

I am sooooo looking forward to a week of serenity…

And mad-passionate (uninterrupted) romps with my hubby.

---

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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13 Happenings and/or Thoughts From My Week

1.) My dog ate a hole in my favorite blanket.

2.) My daughter, Miranda, ate a caramel sucker the other day. She got it stuck between her top and bottom teeth on the right side of her mouth. After some wiggling and tugging, she freed her top teeth, but the sucker remained firmly planted in a lower molar. Being an obstinate sort of child, she was determined to be the victor. She wiggled, picked at, and then grabbed the end of the stick and yanked with all of her frustrated might. Out came the caramel sucker… And out came her tooth attached to the sticky glob. She was mortified.

Was it a permanent tooth?!?

I wasn’t sure so I looked up a tooth chart online. The chart didn’t help, as the tooth she lost could, or could not be a permanent tooth. I put the tooth in a glass of milk, and then called the dentist. Their response was to tell me to bring her in right away. To shorten things up here, the x-ray showed that it was a baby tooth she yanked out, not a permanent one. However, she yanked it out a year or two early.

3.) As if that wasn’t enough drama for the week…

Christian and Miranda went creek wading last Friday (6 days ago). On Saturday Miranda complained about her arms being itchy. I took a look and noticed a few red splotches on her arm, so I gave her some Benedryl cream. I’m thinking… chiggers? I dunno. Anyway, the next day she says nothing about it, so I figure all is well.

Not so.

The third day she shows me her arms again and the redness seems to have spread. It’s Sunday. I can’t take her to the doctor. So… I give her some liquid Benedryl to help stop the itchy-ness, and then I apply some hydrocortisone cream.

The fourth day… Monday… Memorial Day… again, I cannot bring her to the doctor due to it being a holiday. She shows me that a rash has now formed on her belly. I’m thinking… just what the heck was in that creek? Some kind of chemical or something? So I pull out my magic cream… Okay, so it’s not really magic, but I like to think so. As I’m rubbing the cream on her belly she tells me that her butt itches too. Lovely. I check out her backside and sure enough, it’s all red and splotchy.

Tuesday we had the drama with the tooth and didn’t make it to the doctor to see about the rash. And really, I’m thinking the magic cream is going to cure this rash problem anyway.

Wednesday morning I take a look at my daughter, and much to my dismay she is about 3 times worse. So, I took her to the doctor. Finally. The doctor looks at her arms first and says something about cutting marks. Meaning; the rash marks on her arm were in the pattern of a slash. Like I’m supposed to know what this means? Seeing the confused look on my face he spouts off a rhyme, of sorts.

“Leaves of 3, leave it be.”

Or something to that effect. Again, I am confused. Mind you, I’m an intelligent woman. What the hell is he talking about? Three-leaf clovers? Could he please stop speaking in tongues? I mean, yeah, normally my kids’ pediatrician is a funny guy and I get him. But, not this day. And (thank God), he gets that this day. “Poison Ivy”, he said, “Have you ever had it?”

“Um, no,” I replied.

Couldn’t he have just said that in the first place?

4.) We were at the doctor’s office for an hour. Afterwards we went to Walgreens to pick up Miranda’s medicine. I had to wait an hour and a half. In Walgreens. With two kids. A brother and sister who constantly bicker and argue. One says the sky is blue, the other says, “Nuh-uh.” I had to send them to opposite sides of the store just to keep the peace.

5.) Bob, (my husband), has been gone for seven days. This is day number eight. He won’t be home for another five days. I miss him.

6.) Did I mention that my dog ate a hole in my favorite blanket? This isn’t the first time this has happened. He ate three holes in a blanket my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas last year. Ah well, now I know what to get him for his birthday.

7.) It has been miserably muggy and hot outside all week. The air conditioner is busted in my van.

8.) I’m beginning to sound like Stephen Wright.

“I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I’d be gone. I said, “The whole time.”

9.) Every time I sit down to get some creative writing done, the phone rings. Or the kids bicker. Or the dog needs to go out. Or… I have to cook dinner. Or my daughter loses a tooth. Or the sky falls on my head with a resounding “BOOM!”

10.) Oh look! A positive note. The public swimming pools open on Friday. You know what that means, right? My kids will have something to do from 12:30 to 5 every day… Other than whine, gripe, and moan about how bored they are. Yay!

11.) It’s 10:00 pm as I write this #11 on my T13. I just finished speaking with Bob over the phone. You see that? I’m smiling now.

12.) My Thursday morning schedule is going to be a bit hectic today. So expect me to visit your T13′s this afternoon sometime.

13.) Have any of you seen this Sprint commercial? Where guy-A says that his phone has “crime deterrent“, and then he tells guy-B, “Go on, try it out. Try and take my wallet.” So guy-B reaches down to pick up the wallet off of the bench, and then guy-A zings his phone at guy-B and hits him in the head… hard.

Ha! I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. I love that commercial. So funny!

And that, ladies and gents, is the proper way to end a T13. With a smile.

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Thanks for stopping by! I hope you all have a terrific Thursday!

Check out these other “Thursday Thirteens”!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants